ACTIVE LISTENING SKILLS

In today's fast-paced digital world, genuine communication is more crucial than ever. Active listening stands out as a vital skill that fosters deeper connections, enhances understanding, and builds trust in both personal and professional settings. By truly focusing on the speaker, acknowledging their message, and responding thoughtfully, we can navigate conversations more effectively and empathetically.

The active listening skillset involves these 6 active listening skills:

The Six Core Active Listening Skills

Pay attention 

Being fully present is the cornerstone of active listening. This involves giving undivided attention, maintaining eye contact, and being mindful of non-verbal cues. One goal of active listening is to set a comfortable tone that gives the other person an opportunity to think and speak. Allow “wait time” before responding. Don’t cut the other person off, finish their sentences, or start formulating our answer before they have finished. Paying attention to our body language as well as our frame of mind is important. Be focused on the moment and operate from a place of respect.

Real-World Example: At Asana, a leading project management software company, team meetings emphasize full presence. Employees are encouraged to minimize distractions, ensuring that each participant feels heard and valued.

Practical Exercise: Practicing mindfulness meditation for 5 minutes daily to enhance focus and presence during conversations.

Withhold judgment

Active listening requires an open mind. As a listener, we need to be open to new ideas, new perspectives, and new possibilities. Even when good listeners have strong views, they suspend judgment, hold any criticisms, and avoid arguing or selling their point right away. Approach conversations with an open mind, refraining from forming opinions or interrupting. This creates a safe space for open dialogue.

Real-World Example: The Center for Creative Leadership trains managers to suspend immediate judgments, promoting a culture where employees feel comfortable sharing ideas without fear of criticism.

Practical Exercise: During our next conversation, consciously note any judgments that arise and set them aside, focusing solely on understanding the speaker's perspective.

Reflect

Do not assume that we understand the person correctly— or that they know we have heard them. Mirror the person’s information and emotions by periodically paraphrasing key points. Reflecting is a way to indicate that our counterpart and us are on the same page.

For example, our counterpart might tell us, “Saroja is so loyal and supportive of her friends in class — they would walk through fire for her. But no matter how much I push, her friends keep missing submission deadlines.” To paraphrase the same, we could say, “So Saroja’s people skills are great, but accountability is a problem.”

If we hear, “I don’t know what else to do!” or “I’m tired of saying the same thing to the class every time,” try helping the person label his or her feelings: “Sounds like you are feeling pretty frustrated and stuck.”

Real-World Example: At the International Coaching Federation, reflecting back what’s heard is a cornerstone of trust and progress in client relationships.

Practical Exercise: Try saying, “So what I’m hearing is…” or “It sounds like you’re saying…” and see how the conversation deepens from there.

Clarify

When something isn’t clear, it’s okay to ask—clarifying shows we care enough to understand fully. Let’s get curious together. If we have doubt or confusion about what the person has said, say something like, “Let me see if I’m clear. Are you talking about …?” or “Wait a minute. I didn’t follow you.”

Open-ended, clarifying, and probing questions are important tools that encourage the person to do the work of self-reflection and problem solving, rather than justifying or defending a position, or trying to guess the “right answer.”

Examples include:

a)      “What do you think about …?” 

b)      “Tell me about …?” 

c)      “Will you further explain/describe …?”

The emphasis is on asking rather than telling. It invites a thoughtful response and maintains a spirit of collaboration.

We might say:

a)      “What are some of the specific things you’ve tried?”

b)      “Have you asked the team what their main concerns are?” 

c)      “Does Saroja agree that there are performance problems?”

d)      “How certain are you that you have the full picture of what’s going on?”

Real-World Example: At Google, managers are encouraged to ask open-ended questions to dig deeper and surface hidden insights.

Summarize

Summarizing brings shared understanding. Restating key themes as the conversation proceeds confirms and solidifies your grasp of the other person’s point of view. It also helps both parties to be clear on mutual responsibilities and follow-up. Briefly summarize what we have understood as we listened, and ask the other person to do the same.

Giving a brief restatement of core themes raised by the person might sound like: “Let me summarize to check my understanding. Saroja was made class leader and her classmates love her. But you don’t believe she holds them accountable, so mistakes are accepted and keep happening. You’ve tried everything you can think of and there’s no apparent impact. Did I get that right?”.

Restating key themes helps both parties to be clear on mutual responsibilities and follow-up.

Real-World Example: Amazon promotes summarization in meetings to ensure everyone leaves with aligned expectations and decisions.

Share

Active listening is first about understanding the other person, then about being understood. As we gain a clearer understanding of the other person’s perspective, we can begin to introduce our ideas, feelings, and suggestions. We might talk about a similar experience we had or share an idea that was triggered by a comment made previously in the conversation.

Once the situation has been talked through in this way, both the person and we have a good picture of where things stand. From this point, the conversation can shift into problem solving.

Real-World Example: At Microsoft, leaders often share personal stories to build connection and show vulnerability, making communication more human.

What We Can Do: We can share a related story or experience—not to shift the spotlight, but to say “I see you. I’ve been there too.”

How to Improve Active Listening Skills

Many people take their listening skills for granted. We often assume it is clear that we are listening and that others know they are being heard. But the reality is that we often struggle with tasks and roles that directly relate to listening. Accepting criticism well, dealing with people’s feelings, and trying to understand what others think all require strong active listening skills.

Even with the best of intentions, we may actually be unconsciously sending signals that we are not listening at all. We may need to brush up on our listening skills if any of the following questions describe us. Do we sometimes:

If we answered yes to any of these questions, we are not alone. To boost our listening skills and put our active listening skillets into practice, try these helpful tips:

Conclusion

Mastering active listening is a continuous journey that enhances our interactions and relationships. By consciously practicing these six skills—paying attention, withholding judgment, reflecting, clarifying, summarizing, and sharing—we can become more empathetic communicators. Incorporating real-world examples and practical exercises into our daily lives not only reinforces these skills but also transforms the way we connect with others.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa