ConceptsNest

Self-differentiation is a word we probably do not hear in everyday usage. But it is a crucial process to living (and eating) well. It is happening when we hear people speaking their minds with thoughtful conviction even though others might disapprove . It is lacking when someone spends their life rebelling against the views and values of parents/ colleagues and clinging to their opposite. It is missing when someone stifles feelings and thoughts in fear of hurting others or being rejected or shamed by them.     Differentiation of self was defined by Murray Bowen (Psychiatrist, Professor- Georgetown University) in 1978 as the degree to which one is able to balance: (a) emotional and intellectual functioning, and  (b) intimacy and autonomy in relationships . His theory has two major parts. 1) Differentiation of self is the ability to separate feelings and thoughts . Undifferentiated people cannot separate feelings and thoughts; when asked to think, they are flooded with feelings, a

  Being present with oneself, in the moment, being mindful, mentalizing, reflective function— all of these constructs point toward a crucial recognition of one’s own experience that takes place repeatedly on short time scales , as much as it is an overarching way of seeing that spans a lifetime. Practicing curiosity fosters open-mindedness. There is a firm but gentle way to be intently aware, where one almost sees oneself as a beloved stranger. Being a stranger to oneself can represent alienation and nihilism, but it can also be the beginning of a love affair as we meet ourselves anew. Closeness to oneself, however, can pose a variety of real and imagined threats. It is important to respect our own boundaries, self-consent to all major decisions, and equip ourselves well. Self-Absorption vs. Self-Reflection In the journey of self-discovery and personal growth, two seemingly similar yet fundamentally different concepts often arise: self-absorption and self-reflection. While both

“ I need to figure out how to motivate my employees.”  When was the last time we thought that to ourselves? It could have been the other week when you noticed one of your direct reports dragging his feet on a project that’s critical to the company. Or, perhaps it was the other month when you felt frustrated that your team was not being proactive about addressing customer issues. We hear this sentiment of “how to motivate employees” frequently from managers we work with. We, as leaders, are not the only ones thinking this. Employees  themselves  admit that they do not feel as motivated at work as they would like. According to research, only 2 in 10 employees strongly agree that their performance is managed in a way that motivates them to do outstanding work.   However, this question of, “How to motivate my employees as a manager?” is a misguided one. It implies that motivation is something we  give  another person. That is patently false. Motivation is not a thing we give to peopl

How do we differentiate between needs and motives or motivations. ? How not to be ruled by feelings, habits, impulses, and thoughts.? Varieties of Motivation   One of the fundamental premises of the practice of Nonviolent Communication is that everything we do is an attempt to meet core human needs . Much can be said about what exactly counts as a need, and the difference between needs and the many strategies we employ in our attempts to meet them. There is no claim within this practice that we are all the same; only that we share the same core needs, and they serve as the only reason for us to do anything. If everything is motivated by one or more human needs, then why are we even talking about varieties of motivations? It’s because what varies is the degree of awareness we bring to the relationship between our needs and our actions. Our various cultures don’t generally cultivate in us the practice of knowing what we want . On the contrary, much of socialization is focuse

Apologizing to those we have hurt or harmed isn’t always an easy task. There can be various obstacles in our way of doing what is right. Some are: A)   A matter of pride: . . .     To apologize is to set aside our pride long enough to admit our imperfections. For some people, this feels far too vulnerable, too dangerous . It means they have to admit they are flawed and fallible, something they refuse to do. And apologizing also overrides our tendency to make excuses or blame others . This acceptance of responsibility for our own actions is so out of character for some that it is nearly impossible.   B) A sign of weakness: . . .   To many, apologizing reflects weakness. These people have a tendency to need to be right and to always be seen as strong and powerful. But the truth is, apologizing for the harm you caused and taking responsibility for your mistakes can actually be seen as a sign of strength. For example, General Mark Milley recently apologized for appearing in a photo-