ConceptsNest

Balancing authenticity with relational harmony is a common challenge. Self-differentiation, a core concept in Bowen Theory, helps individuals stay true to themselves while remaining connected to others, fostering clarity, calm, and confidence. Self-differentiation is a term we do not often hear in everyday conversation, but it is a powerful and essential process for living—and relating—well. It shows up when someone speaks their mind with calm conviction, even when others may disapprove . It is absent when a person defines themselves only in opposition to their parents or colleagues, constantly reacting rather than choosing. It’s also missing when someone silences their own thoughts and emotions out of fear—fear of rejection, shame, or upsetting others. Story: Bhishma’s Vow: A Legacy of Duty and Self-Mastery But the defining feature of that moment wasn’t just sacrifice— it was clarity . Bhishma was not swayed by emotion alone or by intellectual pride. He knew what he valued : duty, h...

  Being present with oneself, in the moment, being mindful, mentalizing, reflective function— all of these constructs point toward a crucial recognition of one’s own experience that takes place repeatedly on short time scales , as much as it is an overarching way of seeing that spans a lifetime. Practicing curiosity fosters open-mindedness. There is a firm but gentle way to be intently aware, where one almost sees oneself as a beloved stranger. Being a stranger to oneself can represent alienation and nihilism, but it can also be the beginning of a love affair as we meet ourselves anew. Closeness to oneself, however, can pose a variety of real and imagined threats. It is important to respect our own boundaries, self-consent to all major decisions, and equip ourselves well. Self-Absorption vs. Self-Reflection In the journey of self-discovery and personal growth, two seemingly similar yet fundamentally different concepts often arise: self-absorption and self-reflection. W...

“ I need to figure out how to motivate my employees.”  When was the last time we thought that to ourselves? It could have been the other week when you noticed one of your direct reports dragging his feet on a project that’s critical to the company. Or, perhaps it was the other month when you felt frustrated that your team was not being proactive about addressing customer issues. We hear this sentiment of “how to motivate employees” frequently from managers we work with. We, as leaders, are not the only ones thinking this. Employees  themselves  admit that they do not feel as motivated at work as they would like. According to research, only 2 in 10 employees strongly agree that their performance is managed in a way that motivates them to do outstanding work.   However, this question of, “How to motivate my employees as a manager?” is a misguided one. It implies that motivation is something we  give  another person. That is patently false....

How do we differentiate between needs and motives or motivations. ? How not to be ruled by feelings, habits, impulses, and thoughts.? Varieties of Motivation   One of the fundamental premises of the practice of Nonviolent Communication is that everything we do is an attempt to meet core human needs . Much can be said about what exactly counts as a need, and the difference between needs and the many strategies we employ in our attempts to meet them. There is no claim within this practice that we are all the same; only that we share the same core needs, and they serve as the only reason for us to do anything. If everything is motivated by one or more human needs, then why are we even talking about varieties of motivations? It’s because what varies is the degree of awareness we bring to the relationship between our needs and our actions. Our various cultures don’t generally cultivate in us the practice of knowing what we want . On the contrary, much of socialization is fo...

Apologizing to those we have hurt or harmed isn’t always an easy task. There can be various obstacles in our way of doing what is right. Some are: A)   A matter of pride: . . .     To apologize is to set aside our pride long enough to admit our imperfections. For some people, this feels far too vulnerable, too dangerous . It means they have to admit they are flawed and fallible, something they refuse to do. And apologizing also overrides our tendency to make excuses or blame others . This acceptance of responsibility for our own actions is so out of character for some that it is nearly impossible.   B) A sign of weakness: . . .   To many, apologizing reflects weakness. These people have a tendency to need to be right and to always be seen as strong and powerful. But the truth is, apologizing for the harm you caused and taking responsibility for your mistakes can actually be seen as a sign of strength. For example, General Mark Milley recently apologized f...